Rabbit, Rabbit

This is what I saw when I opened my curtains last week. These darn critters are ruining my lawn! Good job it's not my lawn then, isn't it?




Well, I have hauled myself up by the bootstraps out of a slough of despondency to write this blog. Might as well get the depressing news out of the way; I didn't get on the PGCE course. I decided not to take it as a personal failure as they wrote me a lovely letter saying I was on the waiting list and there were 12 people going for four places. Even so, can't help feeling down. It just means I have to think of something else. I've looked online at other PGCE courses but they are all full for 2006 and even if I got on one it would mean either travelling UP to Norwich or DOWN to Colchester which would be fine but it's an added stress when you have kids. The application forms are so darn long winded as well. I can't remember what year I did my O'level English, and all other things I have done over the years. Blah blah bloody blah. Don't sound too positive do I? Hubby, upset me further by saying the letter they sent was generic and don't set any store by it. (In other words 'you were shit'). I'm constantly having to tell myself 'of course you are brilliant, you've achieved so much in your life' and then I think 'I'm forty one and I have NO career, HE earns all the money, what the f**k am I going to do?). I'm having a little cry now as I write this, didn't know I was that down about it. Maybe I should go back and wallow in my slough of despondency!

Hubby thinks I really should concentrate on my art. Sometimes, I just don't know what's stopping me. I think it's so hard to get motivated to paint especially when one doesn't have 'a room of one's own'. (or indeed a 'house' of one's own!). But maybe it's deeper than that! (fear of failure? lack of confidence?)

The owners of the house we made an offer on finally came back to us last night as we were looking around another house that we liked more!! However, the house we liked more is a wreck and much more expensive! But, it made us think that the 'house we made an offer on' is not exactly what we want - the garden is too small and the back bit of the house is also too small. So we're going to withdraw our offer today! Hubby says 'nyah nyah nyah' to the vendor and estate agent for being so TARDY! He says I should say something to that effect when I ring up - but we have to deal with this estate agent and it's not a good idea for them to think you're 'arsy' (oooh this Tourettes is really taking hold now)

Here's a picture of the house we saw yesterday and quite frankly fell in love with despite the fact is nearly falling down! It belonged to an old person who is 'no longer with us'. You should have seen the amount of books. One whole bookshelf for penguin paperpacks - looked like first editions!

There was a walk in larder and the wall paper looked like something the V&A would be interested in!

Discussing it last night:

Hubby: We can't afford it. It's too much
Me: I'll shop at Morrisons and Lidl!
Hubby: You know you won't
Me: I will, I will

Guess, who won? Moi! We made an offer today but it was a low one. All we could afford. If it's meant to be it's meant to be! (whoever said that was a twat, it's a load of crap (feck))


Well, you know, I've had a little cry writing this (well, quite a big blub actually). Please don't write back nice encouraging comments because I will just cry further. I'm OK, really. I'm a very positive person but we all have blips now and again. And to add to all my lachrymosity (sp?) or lachrymoseness (!) or even moroseness, oldest has gone away with the school for week and I can't go in her room because it makes me miss her too much!

And on a brighter note....... If you happened to venture out in the cold on Saturday and wondered where all the middle class, middle aged women were they were with me and Lettuce at the Country Living Show in London. Where a good time was had by all!